Grandpa's Snoring

The walls are bulging out then sucking in

cause gramps is is doing it again.

Grandpa's snoring like a bear,

snorting out each breath of air.

He's sawing logs again! When will it end?

Granny has her earplugs in and doesn't hear a thing.

The world could end, she'd just sleep in,

with Gramps still seesawing.

For when he breaths it's like the tide of an eternal ocean.

How can he sleep? What can we do?

He's making a commotion!

It sounds like ripping canvas.

It's a neighborhood earthquake. 

Oh Grandpa, What's it going to take?

Stop snoring for heavens sake!

Vapor Rub

Great Gramps is in the Vapor Rub again

applying it like mustard plaster to his dying skin.

What's in that stuff

can singe the eyes at ninety feet away.

And has the stench of ammonium

and the half-life of plutonium.

It's curling up the carpets.

It's driving us outside.

It a smell that even skunks and stink bus can't abide.

What it does for grandpa,

we wouldn't speculate

but one thing's for sure

while wearing it he won't get through the pearly gate!

Lichen Simplex Chronicus

Lichen Simplex Chronicus, a condition quite ironicus

lurks beneath one's skin.

so instead of sweating out

you sweat in.

It itches and makes one want to scratch

and scratch again

but if you do

you wreck your skin.

So seek a dermatologist.

It really is no sin.

A Very Pleasant Feeling

Remember when I almost died

from sitting in a chair that folded me in half

cutting off my air?

I was zooming down a tunnel toward a brilliant light

when I heard a frightened voice, it was my wife, 

saying:

Come Back! Are you Alright?

I caught myself and took a sudden breath

and was restored to life.

If Suzi had not been there I would not have paused.

The light was just in sight.

I remember how the ocean roared inside my head

as I was zooming down that tunnel

It was a very pleasant feeling
and I wasn't really dead.